you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
