I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
