his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
