epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
