in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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