Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
