Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
