I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
