I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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