New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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