party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
