I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You are the jesus of drinking
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
