dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
