She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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