I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
