i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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