Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
