there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
