ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
