i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
