I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
