i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
