I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
