brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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