I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
