Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize