I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize