so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
