ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
