Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
