I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
someone owes me an orgasm
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
