I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
