he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
