yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
