This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
