I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
