I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
