you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
