when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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