whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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