A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
