At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
