It's like God shit irony all over that family
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
