I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
