all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
