also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
