Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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