So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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