her vagine was all disorganized.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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