nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
