speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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