I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
