we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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