The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
