I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
