I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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