I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
