fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
