So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
