We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
