My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
