I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
