White coat. Heels.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
