Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
