Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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