If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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