I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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