I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
