This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
