I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize