the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
