Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
