I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I take back everything I said about communal showers
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
