Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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