The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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