dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
