Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
