Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think my moral compass just broke
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