i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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