I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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